I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
