So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
