you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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