can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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