what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
