I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.