I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
