I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep