Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first