All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
