Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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