I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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