You're earring is so big in my mouth
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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