and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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