I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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