New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
