You work out of a Hotel?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My balls are so social today.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
