$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
