If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
