he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
