A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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