I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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