Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
