Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i will never coherently bang her
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
