the condom got lost in my hair
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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