I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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