so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
