All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
