so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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