So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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