Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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