I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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