you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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