What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
