i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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