the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
