I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
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I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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