i jhust puked up my retainher.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
