Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
