if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
