so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you win again, gameday.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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