Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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