Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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