as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
