she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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