Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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