that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fuck appropriateness.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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