So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
there is glitter all over my balls
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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