My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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