would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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