We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
