Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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