I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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