I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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