so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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