Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
