I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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