the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
