and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
