quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
40s are totally the cure
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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