you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
