so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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