i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
