I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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