i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
whose parrot is this?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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